My Dad told me there are only two thing certain in life and that is we will all die and pay tax. However, I have come to learn that grief is also inevitable.
Everyone must deal with this at some point, it is really important to give ourselves or that person permission to grieve, when they are ready. When a person we love is taken from us, it always feels sudden, even if we are expecting them to die. Our world has stopped but everyone else is still moving on in their world. Our heart is having to deal with the shock, the loss.
It is really important to give ourselves, or the person going through grief, permission to meet themselves where they are and that they feel the loss.
How does it feel? For me, when my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, grief poured out of me, living through watching her struggle and disappear painfully slowly in front of me was so painful for me, my family, friends and my work colleges who all supported me with love and patience.
When she died, I had amazing support from my family and friends for which I will always be very grateful. I then had time to think about my Mum and celebrate what she meant to me, that she gave me life, she gave me an appreciation of life and nature, of family, of the joy of an open fire, family meals, home bread making, generosity, humility and belief in a higher power. I learned to see the good, the connection of the good in all faiths and none. Its like her energy is still here, like maybe the scientists are right that energy doesn’t die or is lost, it changes form.
I don’t think we ever stop grieving but in time the energy of the grief changes until we can celebrate the fact that that person was in our life, and our life has meaning because of that presence, that gift. This is often a gradual change depending on our circumstances.
If you know someone going through grief, it can be difficult to know what to say but sometimes just a hug or a gentle smile or eye connection can be enough to help that wave of grief pass. Sometimes we need more and there are many grief councillors to help step us through the pain of grief. These are my thoughts and feelings about grief today, but if it can help someone, then it was worth sharing.